So today I was listening to my iTunes when I decided to listen to an old Christian fave of mine, Shawn McDonald. I was listening to the song "Beautiful" and I have to admit that I was moved. The song seems to get me every time, and I think it loves up to its title, because I just really identify with the lyrics to it. The song is about a man who looks up to the sky and just realizes how God created each and every star in the same way he created every human being and that he created each and every sunset to show us how he really sees us...to be beautiful creations of God.

I have meditated over this line many times and it just really applies to how I wonder about why God chose to come into my life.

You know my innermost being, oh
Even better than I know, than I know myself.
What a beautiful God.
What am I, that I might be called your child?

Sometimes I am just so aware of how much I screw up and how God would be completely justified in leaving me in the dust, but he doesn't. He loves me regardless of how much I screw up. He loves me in spite of the darkness inside me. Sometimes I let the darkness consume me and I don't see this hope that God gives me. But when I look at a sunset or I look at the stars in the sky I see the grace god gives us. I see his compassion. I see that he will always love me regardless of how I choose to love him, and that he has such a greater capacity for love than I can ever give back to him, and for that I am grateful. What an honor it is for me to be called God's child.

I feel like there's this unspoken dialogue going back in forth between me and God.

Me: God, I do not deserve this. God, I've let you down, why haven't you disowned me? God, I am overwhelmed.

God: I know your innermost being better than you know yourself. Look at my creation. You are a beautiful creation like this. You are my child and I love you and I created you for a purpose.



There's a part of me that wants to believe all of this stuff God tells me, but just can't quite do it. And I wonder how much happier and content people would be if they truly believed themselves to be beautiful creations of God who are loved unconditionally by their creator. I know I would.
Maybe that's the goal of everyone's life. To not only listen to the Truth, but to Believe it. I've gotta believe it.