I can't think to do my homework, so here is this distraction.

Man, how time flies. I am freaking out a little bit because I have made the realization that I am already a junior at college. What? When did this happen? What happened to these last few years?

I feel like so much has happened since I've come to college, and it feels like it's slipping through my hands too fast. I feel like I've grown up a lot, but I also feel like old habits are dying hard. Like this one, where I get into these introspective I-can't-concentrate-on-anything-else-until-this-passes sort of feeling. And I am starting to really worry about my ability to really adapt to change. I have had a great past couple of years here at the University and part of me wishes that I could be stuck in this moment forever. I feel so comfortable here and I don't want to leave.

Everything I've been told and witnessed kinda freaks me out, not gonna lie. My borther moved out west for a month and came back. My sister is in grad school in California, and she's mostly alone out there. I've been repetitively told that English majors can't get great jobs anywhere, and the ones that sound hopeful tell me that the job I want probably isn't going to happen immediately after graduation. 

And I feel like I just want security. I want to be so comfortable being with all of these people I know and love and who care about me, that I am afraid of what life looks like on the outside of college. I feel like I should be thrilled, what a great new opportunity! But, I guess I'm afraid mostly of looking back and feeling regret. I don't want to live with regrets, and this is sticking me right now, because I always struggle with taking risks and moving on is a risk.

When I leave college and I go somewhere else, what if I don't have anything as good as it is right now? What if it goes wrong? What if I am unhappy? Where does the wanderer find rest? I used to always wish to be the free spirit, to travel around and meet all types of people, never staying anywhere long. But lately, I have felt comfortable with where I'm at.

I know I don't really need to worry about this right now, but I'm just thinking about what to do with moving on and how do I face it. And I think it takes a step of faith, and I think I'm going to take it.